Hogan's Hetalians
by DemonWolf37
Summary: A crossover between Hetalia and Hogan's Heroes (It's alright if you haven't seen it, most of it is explained anyway). The Unsung Heroes' latest mission brings them into contact with some rather peculiar individuals.
1. Chapter 1

((If you're reading this but have never heard of Hogan's Heroes, let me tell you. It's an old comedy about allied prisoners in a POW camp in Germany who carry out undercover missions right under the noses of the Germans. Naturally the perfect setting for a Hetalia fanfiction. Seriously, look it up. It's really funny, and if you like Hetalia, I think you'd like Hogan's Heroes.))

**Monday**

Colonel Hogan, the senior ranking officer in the POW camp Stalag 13, was in barracks 2 playing poker with his fellow prisoners, Sergeant Carter, Corporal Lebeau, and Corporal Newkirk when he heard a knocking at the bunk with led to their secret tunnels underground.

"Let him up," Hogan said without looking up from his cards. The short Frenchman Lebeau went to open the trapdoor allowing Sergeant Kinchloe to come back into the barracks.

"What've ya got, Kinch?" Hogan asked as the African American handed him a piece of paper.

"Orders from London," he replied.

" 'Two important German officers in the area with potential vital information,' " Hogan paraphrased, "Newkirk, do you have those German uniforms all patched up like I asked?"

"They're all stitched up quite nicely, sir," the Briton replied.

"Perfect. Lebeau, what's for dinner tonight?"

"Bouillabaisse,"

"Save some for me, I might be out for a while."

"Too bad I couldn't get my hands on any high quality saffron. Apparently there's a war on."

"Now what could the krauts possibly want with high quality saffron?" ((Cue audience laugh, lol)) No one had time to answer Hogan's rhetorical question before Sergeant Shultz came into the barracks.

Sergeant Shultz was a rather large German soldier and the Sergeant of the Guard. Although he may not look threatening… I'm just kidding, he's not threatening at all. The prisoners barely have to bribe Shultz with food for him to keep quiet about the goings-on in the camp.

"Colonel Hogan, Kommandant Klink wants to see you in his office."

"Oh, what is it now Shultz? Can't you see we're in the middle of a game?" Hogan asked sarcastically.

"The kommandant said it's _very_ important."

"Of course. Alright, well, I fold," Hogan said dropping his aces face-up on the table. He walked himself over to Klink's office building and greeted Klink's secretary, Hilda, with a kiss. Hilda was, of course, in on the prisoners whole operation and had a bit of an ongoing flirtatious relationship with Hogan. Soon after he marched into Klink's office.

"You wanted to see me, Klink?" he asked almost casually.

"Do you take Stalag 13 as a joke, Colonel Hogan?" Klink asked in his serious voice.

"Sometimes, but only if the joke's funny," Hogan quipped. The kommandant obviously did not find it so as he slammed his hand down on the desk.

"Hogan," Klink addressed, "your men have been displaying a ridiculous level of insubordination lately."

"I hear it's because they don't like Germans," Again, Klink slammed his hand down, this time standing up to face Hogan.

"I found this in my schnapps glass this morning- my schnapps glass!" Klink said holding up a baseball, "Came flying in through the window."

"Wow. Hole in one."

"Hogan, if you don't control your men I'll have no choice but no cancel your recreational period."

"Ooh, that's low, sir, even for you," Hogan said sarcastically. Klink didn't pick up on it.

"Well, that's why they call me the Iron Kommandant," he said proudly- no, _vainly_. "Did you know that I was once named Kommandant of the Year?"

"Yes, sir, I was there." Hogan responded. The whole "Kommandant of the Year" thing had actually been a set-up from Hogan to buy them time to get pictures of a new rocket. Klink became incredibly gullible whenever his feathers were fluffed, and Hogan had used that to his advantage many times in the past.

"And that's exactly why you wouldn't dare cancel recreational period," Hogan continued.

"I wouldn't?" Klink asked, completely thrown off. Hogan was in charge now. As he explained he walked up and took two cigars from the box on Klink's desk and offered him one.

"_No!_ The Iron Kommandant," he paused, "such a lovely title… The Iron Kommandant, beloved by everyone, admired by even his own prisoners. Why I even heard the men talking the other day about how much they loved your 'control them with kindness' attitude that they almost didn't want to escape!"

"_Really?_" the kommandant asked in surprise, "Well, there _has_ never been a successful escape from Stalag 13!" Klink said, his vanity showing.

"Exactly. And you wouldn't want to lose their admiration, now would you? Here, do you have a light?" Hogan asked, holding up the cigar.

"Oh, yes, of course!" Klink said, happily lighting the cigar for Hogan.

"Now, was there anything else you wanted to see me about, Klink?" Hogan asked, pouring himself a glass of Schnapps and sitting himself down in Klink's desk and resting his feet up on it.

"Oh, no, that was it."

"Well, then, **dismissed!**" Hogan said, saluting. Klink saluted back and started towards the door before realizing.

"Hogan!" he shouted before taking the cigar and schnapps glass out of Hogan's hand and ordering him out the door.

Back at the barracks, Hogan changed into his custom-made German general's uniform. He slicked his hair back and adorned himself with a tiny fake mustache.

"Now the two Germans will be staying at The Hofbrau not too far from the camp. London didn't give a rank- just said they were very important. Supposedly they have information regarding new weapons development, troops- you name it. London specifically wants to know about a new type of U-boat being proposed, however any information is highly valuable," Hogan explained to the others before climbing down into the tunnels, "I should be back before morning. Cover for me if Shultz does a bed check."

And with that Hogan disappeared into the tunnels and out one of the openings outside of camp- this particular one to a hollowed out tree stump- and then off to The Hofbrau to do a bit of espionage.


	2. Chapter 2

**Monday night**

Hogan entered The Hofbrau- in full German uniform, of course- and scanned the area. The bar was mostly full, conversations overlapping each other until they were indistinguishable. He immediately spotted the two he was looking for- the two in unmarked and unranked uniforms. One of them was the perfect image of Hitler's ideal German- slicked back blonde hair, bright blue eyes, a serious expression- while the other was an albino with bright platinum blonde hair and red eyes. _'Well, here goes nothing,' _Hogan thought as he approached the men.

"Excuse me gentlemen, but do either of you have a light?" Hogan asked, producing a cigar from his uniform's coat pocket. The both of them shook their heads. "Really? Neither of you?"

'_Well, this is going just swimmingly so far…' _Hogan thought bitterly to himself.

"Mind if I join you, gentlemen? I'll buy us a couple of beers." Hogan added at the end when he saw that neither of them were especially willing to let him join them.

"Ja, go right ahead," the blond one said, gesturing to the open seat. _'Yikes, the accent on that one is thick…' _Hogan commented mentally.

"General Hoganmeiser, Luftwaffe" Hogan introduced himself using one of his many aliases and extended a hand to the two Germans.

"Hoganmeiser?" the blond asked skeptically, shaking Hogan's hand.

"Ja," Hogan said confidentially, easily hiding his nerves. _'Not only does he have a thick accent, he suspicious as well. I'd better not blow this,' _London had made it perfectly clear that under no circumstances should the two Germans even consider that he could be a spy.

"Ludwig," the blond said.

"Gilbert," the other said, also shaking Hogan's hand. Gilbert didn't seem as suspicious towards Hogan as Ludwig was. _'Funny how neither of them gave anything but their first names. Just how top secret is the information they have?'_

"Excuse me," Hogan stopped the waitress passing behind him, "A round of beers?"

The waitress just nodded and continued on her way, leaving Hogan once again alone with the two.

"So, what division are you two in?" Hogan asked casually. Gilbert looked like he was about to give some smart remark but Ludwig stopped him.

"Bruder," he warned before speaking to Hogan, "If you don't mind, it'd be easier to keep that just between us."

"You two are brothers?" Hogan asked, quickly backing away from the business-like talk.

"Ja, Gilbert is my older brother." Ludwig said.

"Of Prussian decent, I might add. Pretty awesome, right?" Gilbert added in proudly. Ludwig gave him a look but didn't say anything about it. Right then the waitress returned with the round of beers.

"You don't say. I once knew a man from one of the old Prussian noble titles, or so he claimed anyway. You never could trust a word out of old Klink when it came to pride," Hogan said sipping from his beer, waiting to see if there was any reaction from the brothers signaling that they at least recognized the name. They did.

"Klink?" Ludwig asked.

"Ja. Do you know him?"

"Not personally, but we'll be visiting his camp- Stalag 13- in a few days,"

"Really? What for? Inspection?"

"It is unimportant," Ludwig answered immediately- meaning that it was very important. Stalag 13 seemed to be the center of attention again, and this time it wasn't because of Hogan's operations. "Now I think it's time we left. Or at least I left."

Ludwig's attention was directed towards the windows of the bar, where outside there was an Italian man waving excitedly at him.

"Bruder, I'll meet you back at the room later tonight," Ludwig said to his brother, "Oh, and General Hoganmeiser, it was a pleasure meeting you." Ludwig said, tipping his newly equipped hat as he departed. His suspicions seemed to have left, but there was still and air of caution around him

Hogan noticed as he departed how well-kept both the brother's uniforms were. Either they were both incredible neat freaks, or they took whatever it was their job was very seriously- maybe even both.

When Hogan returned to camp it was still the middle of the night, but Kinch was already awaiting his return.

"Ready to make a call to London, Kinch?"

"Yes, colonel," Kinch said pumping the lever which raised the antennae for the radio.

"Papa bear, this is Goldilocks, come in, Papa bear," Hogan said into the radio.

"We read you, Goldilocks. What's your report on Hansel and Gretel?" [1]

"The porridge was too hot, repeat, Goldilocks was unable to get the porridge," [2]

"Not a problem, Goldilocks, the porridge is no longer important. When are Hansel and Gretel coming to Goldilocks house for a playdate?" [3]

"'A few days,' nothing more specific than that," Hogan waited as the other end went quiet for a moment.

"Rain check that playdate, Goldilocks. 'Red Eagle' will be coming over to Goldilocks' house for tea in three days. Pick up 'Blue Eagle' and others in four days. Hold off playdate for five days. Do you copy, Goldilocks?" [4]

"We copy. Over and out, Papa bear." Hogan said, ending the call. Strange how it was "Blue Eagle… _and others_" Normally either everyone had a code name or the group as a whole had a code name

Code:

[1] What did you find out from the two Germans?

[2] I couldn't find out about the U-boats. We didn't get the information.

[3] The information is unimportant now, the Germans do not intend to build the new U-boats. When are the two Germans coming to Stalag 13?

[4] Keep the two Germans from coming. A prisoner (codenamed "Red Eagle") is being transferred to Stalag 13 in three days(on Thursday). Pick up the parachuter codenamed "Blue Eagle" and others in four days(on Friday). Keep the two Germans away for at least five days(Saturday or later).


	3. Chapter 3

**Tuesday**

"Alright, men, here's the plan. We've got to keep the two German officers from coming for at least five days. We don't know when they were originally supposed to come over, so I'll get that information from Klink. We'll see if Klink can postpone their visit for us, no reason the Germans can't do the work for us, right?"

"What if ole' Klink won't postpone their visit, Colonel?" Newkirk, the Englishman, asked.

"Well, then we do things the old fashioned way. Blow up a bridge or two; the usual."

"Hilda, would you mind telling Klink I want to see him?"

"Well what do I get out of it?" Hilda asked innocently. Hogan leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek.

"How about a kiss now, and a kiss when I get back?" Hogan proposed. Hilda smiled and went to inform the kommandant of Hogan's arival.

"Yes, yes, sent him in," Klink said, not looking up from his papers. Hogan took the opportunity to kiss Hilda on the lips before slipping into the office.

"Klink, I'd like to invite you to a little party the men and I are putting together, this Friday- four days from now," Hogan said. Klink didn't look up from his paper work as he responded dryly,

"Hogan, I am flattered, but I'll have to decline."

"Why, are you busy that day, sir?"

"As a matter a fact I am," Klink responded, still not interested in Hogan's shenanigans.

"Ack- I knew it! Those damn krauts don't even give a man long enough for his own farewell party!" Hogan shouted, suddenly very emotional- even producing a few fake tears.

"F-farewell party?" Klink asked, finally looking up from his papers, "Who said anything about a farewell party?"

"I really shouldn't say, I really shouldn't... but the men overheard the water truck driver say that he met two high-up German officials in the Hofbrau the other day, saying that they were coming to Stalag 13! Now what are we to think but that our beloved Kommandant is being transferred to the Russian front!"

Klink instantly relaxed.

"Hogan, sometimes it amazes me what a simple mind you have. I'm not being transferred to the Russian front."

"You're not sir?" Hogan asked, wiping a fake tear from his eyes.

"Not at all! Those men are coming here about a prisoner that is being transferred to my camp! Can you believe it Hogan?"

"Well, this _is_ a prisoner of war camp."

"No, not that, Hogan! This prisoner is a highly ranked officer- with vital information about the war. And he's being transferred to _my_ camp!"

"Oh, I see sir. Well, then, I'm terribly sorry to have jumped the gun on your going away party," Hogan appologized.

"You see this is why I was chosen to run this camp! Not everyone was made out to run a flawless camp, Hogan. You see, I've never had a successful escape- not one!"

"So you keep telling us, sir," Hogan interrupted, not wanting to hear the Kommandant's speech for the millionth time, "But, would you mind coming to the party anyway? We'd change the theme, of course. Something to reflect your success as a kommandant?"

"No, no, _no,_ Hogan. Don't you listen? I can't that day, maybe the day after... it _is_ deserving after all," Klink said proudly.

"Just push the visit back a day, tell them you're having too good a time for some boring ole' visit!"

"Hogan, you would have me disrespect my superior officers just so I could attend a silly party thrown by the prisoners?"

"Everyone makes it to General somehow," Hogan shrugged.

"Who would make someone a general for attending a _party?_" Klink asked, doubting Hogan

"It's the German army- I'm sure someone's done it. So why not you, _General?"_

"General..." Klink pondered in awe, staring at the ceiling.

"So... see you at the party... _General?_" Hogan asked, saluting as he stood in the doorway, preparing to leave.

Klink half-heartedly saluted back and nodded slightly, still staring at the ceiling.

"Klink took the bait," Hogan reported once he'd returned to the barracks, "Patch me into his phone line and we'll see if they'll postpone their arrival."

Kinch took out a metal teapot, took the lid off, and flipped a switch. The top of the teapot was actually a speaker, and the whole thing was tapped into Klink's office phone. The red light turned on as Klink called someone.

"Ja?" the person on the other end of the phone answered. Hogan instantly recognized the blond German from the Hofbrau.

"Ah, General Ludwig Beilschmidt, how very nice to hear from you!" Klink said in his best 'I'm sucking up to you, so please don't send me to the Russian Front' voice.

Hogan looked at the other prisoners. So he was a _general_… interesting…

"You called me, Klink. What is it?"

"Ah, I was wondering if we could postpone our meeting this Friday to Saturday."

"Why?"

"Ah, well, you see the prisoners are organizing a little party for me- appreciation for their beloved Komandant. So-"

"Klink. The meeting will go as planned. I don't want any of your antics while we're there either. Goodbye Klink." The 'general' promptly hung up on Kllink, and the little red light on the coffee pot went off.

"I guess he called the wrong brother," Hogan commented.

"What do we do now colonel?" Lebeau asked.

"We have to stop those brothers from coming here on Friday…"

"Obviously," Newkirk said, "But how do you suppose we do that?"

"Well, if Klink can't cancel, then we'll just have to make sure that the brothers have to cancel…"


	4. Chapter 4

**((Ha! Did you miss me? Or this story at least? Sorry to put you guys on hiatus for so long, but my poor planning dictated that I start work on too many stories to keep up all of them. I won't do it again and I'll be working on this story until it's finished! So I watched a few episodes of Hogan's Heroes the other night to get me back in the mindset and start work on this chapter. Now it's been a while since I worked on this, but I do recall the general outline I had for this. My writing has probably changed some since then, but I hope it's not too jarring for you. Also, chapters will probably be slightly longer since my average chapter is now 2,000 words instead of 1,000, but it really depends on what needs to go in the chapter. **

**((Now that I'm back, I should be updating at least one every week- or possibly every two weeks unless something comes up where I can't post it. Anyway, enjoy the long-awaited chapter!))**

**Wednesday afternoon**

One may think because the special prisoner wouldn't be transferred to Stalag 13 until Thursday- and the German brothers wouldn't be arriving until the day after- that Hogan and the others wouldn't have anything to do an a Wednesday afternoon. But the truth of the matter was that Hogan always seemed to have work to do- and especially when such an important mission was involved.

Hogan had spent the morning planning and enjoying the extra time he had to think ahead- a luxury he didn't always have.

They hadn't yet done anything to delay the German's visit, but Hogan decided it would be best to hold off until tomorrow to take their plan into action. In the meantime, Hogan wanted to find out as much as possible about this incoming prisoner.

Sometime late into the afternoon he approached Klink's office, and informed Hilda that he'd like to speak with him. He waited patiently outside- trying to play the _'I'm not really too interested, this is just a casual inquiry, honest' _card.

Hogan heard a quiet, "Send him in," from Klink's office and decided to let himself in. Klink was absentmindedly working on some papers, but he appeared to be in no rush.

"Yes, Hogan, what was it you wanted?"

"I just had a few questions about the prisoner that's going to be transferred here tomorrow," Hogan asked in a business-like manner. After all, it _was_ his business as senior-ranking POW… somewhat.

"Hogan, the only thing you need to know about the prisoner is that we will be clearing out barracks 7 for the time being. The prisoners currently in barracks 7 will be distributed throughout the other barracks until otherwise noted."

The faintest of smirks twitched at the corners of Hogan's mouth. The last time a whole barracks had been cleared out for new prisoners- they were _girls_. But Hogan kept his business-like manner and resisted the initial urge to poke at Klink's buttons.

"Sir, I hope you recall that it's against the Geneva Convention to overcrowd the barracks. Does the prisoner really need the whole barracks to themself?" Hogan asked, pointedly leaving the gender of the prisoner neutral.

"Hogan, I really don't have time for this," Klink exasperated, continuing with a wave of his hand on each syllable to express his annoyance, "I've told you all I know. The prisoner will be staying in barracks 7. He has valuable information and will be interrogated as soon as the generals arrive. Now Hogan, that is all I know, if you would please-"

"Woah, woah, hold on," Hogan interjected, suddenly a little off-put. "The prisoner is going to be interrogated _here_? He's not going to be transferred to Berlin first?"

"No, Hogan. The prisoner will be interrogated here. The generals don't want to risk his escape," Klink affirmed, letting on more information than he really should before adding with a heavy air of pride, "After all, where better to hold a prisoner than a camp where no prisoner has ever escaped?"

"What about afterwards?" Hogan asked with more than a little suspicion in his voice.

"Hogan, even if I had that information, why would I share it with you?"

"Well, gee, I thought that's what friends were for?" Hogan quipped, snagging a cigar from under Klink's nose before walking out the door.

When Hogan returned to the barracks, he gave a quick order to Kinch to monitor Klink's phone calls before Hogan began pacing the barracks in thought.

"Is something wrong, colonel?" LeBeau asked, Newkirk and Carter close on his heels.

"Almost. Klink just said the prisoner is going to be interrogated here. Beyond that, they're clearing out barracks 7 to keep him."

"_I volunteer!_" LeBeau and Newkirk said nearly simultaneously.

"For _what_?" Hogan asked.

"To make contact with the lovely lady that's surely going to be staying in barracks 7," LeBeau clarified smugly.

"No one's going to see the prisoner until I find out exactly what's going on here. And I don't think it's a 'lovely lady' anyway. Just a very valuable and high-escape-risk prisoner. Which means we can't afford to blow this. Got it?"

Newkirk and Lebeau grumbled some, and Lebeau added something about "stamping on true love before it had a chance to bloom."

Just then, Kinch called Hogan over.

"Hogan. Klink just got a call."

Hogan approached the faux teapot slowly, listening in and waiting for Klink to answer the phone. Not two rings had passed before Klink answered the phone with a polite, "Hello?"

"Kommandant Klink. This is General Ludwig Beilschmidt."

"Ah, yes, general! It's very nice to hear from you!" Klink immediately said in his best submissive voice.

"This isn't a social call, Klink," the general snapped, "I'm calling to inform you that the prisoner will be arriving at your camp tomorrow morning."

"Ah, yes, we will be ready, sir!"

"I haven't given you your instructions yet, Klink," he snapped again.

"Yes, sir…" Klink said, deflated.

"When he arrives, you will immediately escort him to his quarters with no less than five guards. Have an additional five guards nearby to keep an eye on things from afar. If he tries to escape, shoot him in the legs."

Hogan furrowed his brow at all of this- the oddity of the situation beginning to truly dawn on him.

"Two guards are to be assigned to him at any given time- one outside the door, and one on the inside, keeping a very close eye on him."

That was going to be a problem for Hogan and his men.

"Yes, sir," Klink said when the general paused, "I'll take care of _everything_, sir. You've no need to worry, I-"

"_Good_," the general interrupted, "I don't want any funny business with this either. No guard should talk to this man for fear of being shot. If he says anything of his own accord, record it. We will be in your camp by noon on Friday. If anything should happen to our prisoner before we arrive, the punishment for you will be quite severe. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, sir…" Klink said.

"Good. That will be all, Klink. Hail Hitler."

"Hail Hitler," Klink responded and the call was ended.

Hogan hummed quietly as he began to mull over the information he'd been given.

"Well, colonel?" Newkirk asked.

"Yeah, what's the plan?" Carter added.

"Will you two shut up? I'm thinking here," Hogan lightly snapped- mostly joking, "The prisoner will be under 24/7 guard- both inside and out of the barracks. That'll make it difficult to get in contact with him. We'll have to find out when Shultz is on guard on the inside, then sneak in using the tunnels. But the real problem is that we can't get the prisoner out until after the Germans arrive- or else risk our kommandant being sent to the Russian front…" Hogan trailed off. It seems he was truly stumped this time. "For now we'll do as London asked, delay the brothers until we pick up this 'Blue Eagle' character- see what he can tell us."

Ultimately, Hogan retired to his quarters, but the problem plagued him all night as he tried to sleep. How were they going to get that prisoner out before the brothers arrived without losing their kommandant and risking their whole operation? For once, none of Hogan's ideas seemed to be the right one.


	5. Chapter 5

**((Someone please tell me if Shultz seems horribly out of character in this or not, because I can't quite tell...)**

**Thursday Morning**

When the prisoner arrived, all the men were confined to their barracks. Hogan and his men- and many of the men originally from barracks 7- retreated into barracks 2. While the windows were closed, Hogan had another way of looking outside.

Hogan twisted the two faucets on the sink upwards and put them to his eyes, pulling them upward- which in turn pulled up the periscope it was attached to in a water bucket just outside the barracks.

Hogan saw a truck pull up through the gates of the camp. Schultz motioned the truck directly towards barracks 7 and the vehicle parked right beside it. Unfortunately, the truck blocked most of Hogan's view and he just barely saw a glimpse of blond hair being led to the barracks by five of Klink's guards- _on top_ of the 6 that had been in the truck.

"Geez, overprotective much?" Hogan muttered to himself, and then pulled the periscope back down and said to the others, "Guy's got eleven guards escorting him the ten feet between the truck and the barracks. The Germans are getting a bit paranoid, I think."

Hogan walked back over to the centre of the barracks slowly- thinking.

"Everything will go as planned. I'll make contact once Shultz is on guard, see what this guy can tell us. Newkirk, LeBeau, Carter, you three will head out tomorrow morning to take care of our Germans. You know the plan?"

"Well, yeah," Carter offered, "Smoke bomb the Hofbrau then slit their tires."

"_One_ of their tires. Don't get overzealous, we don't need to tip them off, just delay them long enough for you to set the charges on the bridge."

Hogan checked the periscope again. The truck was just leaving, leaving Shultz and one other guard standing outside the barracks.

"Come on Shultzy, Hogan needs a new pair of shoes," he muttered.

Schultz went into the barracks.

"Good boy," Hogan smiled, then disappeared into the tunnels to meet this 'Red Eagle' of theirs.

Hogan made his way through their tunnels to the one that opened up under barracks 7. The lesser used tunnels- such as this one- weren't as large as the rest of them, but it was still spacious enough for Hogan to walk upright through them (even if it was a bit of a tight squeeze).

Finally the end of the tunnel yielded a small ladder which led up to the barracks floor. Hogan lightly lifted the panel on the floor and peeked through it. Schultz was sitting at the table by the door of the barracks looking very distracted.

Hogan determined that the cost was clear and rose himself out of the floor entirely, giving the barracks a once-over. It didn't look any different than it had before aside from the complete lack of prisoners. Hogan blinked. A _complete_ lack of prisoners. Shultz hadn't let theirs escape within the few minutes the man had been here, had he?

"Shultz," Hogan said, trying to wake the man- as he had fallen asleep, "_Shultz_!"

The man jerked awake, looking quite surprised to have been woken.

"Wha- Oh, Colonel Hogan! What are you doing here! You're not supposed to be here! Hogan, I could get in _trouble-_"

"Where's the prisoner, Schultz?"

"The prisoner? Hogan he's-" Schultz turned to point but suddenly froze, realizing that the prisoner was nowhere to be seen. "Hogan! He- he- he's gone!"

"I'm right here," a voice said in- what was that? An American accent?

Both Hogan and Schultz turned around to see a thin- but fairly built- blond man sitting down at the very same table Schultz was sitting at. How Schultz had missed that, Hogan could understand, but how _he himself_ had missed that completely baffled him.

"Colonel Robert Hogan," he introduced- although still slightly dazed- extending a hand to the man. The man blinked slightly at it before taking it.

"Williams," he introduced, "Matthew."

"Schultz how long are you on guard duty here?" Hogan asked, not taking his eyes from the strange man.

"For the next _three hours_," Schultz admitted in a complaint.

"Perfect. Mind if I borrow your prisoner for a bit?"

"Ho-Hogan!" Schultz exclaimed as Hogan led the prisoner to the hole in the floor and the blond man dropped through it. "Hogan! What am I supposed to tell Klink?!"

Hogan himself had started down the tunnel as well, but popped his head back up for Schultz's sake, "If anyone asks, just say he's sleeping." And then Hogan was gone.

Schultz paced back and forth twice in a panic before finding a pillow and shoving it under one of the blankets to simulate his 'sleeping prisoner.' He started to walk away before he went back and tucked it in properly, giving it a pat on the 'head' before he went back to his post.

Back in the tunnels, Hogan found himself having to frequently check to make sure the prisoner was still with him. Williams had a tendency to do that- completely vanish from Hogan's senses. It was a little bit disturbing.

Hogan decided the best way to keep track of the prisoner was to talk.

"So, Williams. Are you an American?" Hogan didn't see it, but Williams rolled his eyes.

"Canadian," he clarified politely.

"Any idea why the krauts are so interested in you?" Hogan continued.

"I could tell you exactly why," Williams said, but didn't continue.

"Care to elaborate?" Hogan asked, but not really expecting an answer.

"Sorry, colonel," the Canadian apologized, sounding truly sincere, "but you don't have any use for the information I have. But Germany _does_."


	6. Chapter 6

**((Sorry for the long wait, my grandpa passed away in February, and he was my absolute favourite person in the entire world- and he was also the person who got me into Hogan's Heroes, so it's kind of put me off for writing this... But I'm going to try to keep working on this and update as I can. Of course, I just graduated high school, so it's going to be a bit difficult with all the ADULT I have to do now... So much responsibility...)**

**Thursday Afternoon**

Hogan and Williams made it back to barracks 2, and the _very_ eager crowd waiting for them by the tunnel entrance was sadly disappointed that the prisoner wasn't a girl, and most of it dispersed.

Hogan signaled for Newkirk, Carter, and LeBeau to follow him and Williams into his office.

"Now, onto business," Hogan started, leaning on the table more out of habit than anything. "You may know, but we have a bit of a problem. See, it's _our_ job to get you out of Germany."

Williams made a coughing noise. "Ah, yes, I assumed as much."

"But we have a bit of a problem. See, the krauts are planning on interrogating you _here_ at the camp- which causes us quite a bit of grief."

"How so? You've helped prisoners escape before, correct?"

"Yeah," Newkirk cut in, "but usually _as_ they are leaving the camp. See, our kommandant has a bit of a perfect reputation- and between you and me it's about the only thing keeping him afloat in this establishment."

"Right," Hogan agreed, "And we want him around. Having a clueless kommandant is highly beneficial to our operations, if you see where I'm going with this."

"So you can't get me out so long as I'm still here."

"Right. Now I was hoping you might have some information that could help us out here."

"I'm sorry, Colonel Hogan, I really don't. I was unaware Alfred even had such an operation. I'm afraid I can't tell you much." Again with the apologies, but this time something peaked Hogan's attention.

"Alfred?" he asked, "He wouldn't happen to be our 'Blue Eagle' that we're expecting, would he?"

Williams' eye twitched, but he didn't look at all surprised. "Yes, that would most certainly be him. He was never exactly subtle with the code names. We should be thankful he didn't chose 'Stars and Stripes,' instead."

"So he's an American then?" Carter piped up.

"Great, there's bloody more of them," Newkirk complained, then added, "No offence, colonel."

Hogan chose to ignore that. "If even Carter can figure that out, then we would definitely be in trouble. Who exactly is this Alfred?"

"Alfred Jones. He's my brother. And he has just as much classified information floating around in his head as I do. He's reckless. What on earth is he coming here for?"

"Presumably to collect you. London was rather unspecific with the orders. We just need to figure out how to get out of here before those two Germans arrive."

" 'Those two-' ?" Williams started, then stopped, "Ah, yes. Them."

"You know about them?"

"You could say that, yes. The Beilschmidt brothers, yes?"

"Yeah. They're scheduled to arrive here tomorrow morning to interrogate you. We're supposed to delay them until our Blue Eagle arrives to come and get you."

"I hope you have a good plan to delay them- those two are very… ah… _punctual._"

"You don't need to worry about that. The two main roads leading here both cross bridges. There are also two other detours they could possibly take- we're taking out those as well. That leaves the west roads- which should delay them enough for our needs."

"Ah, colonel- I'm afraid that won't cut it. Anything short of blowing up the bridge while they're on it is a waste of time."

Hogan blinked. That was a bit unexpected.

"Normally I wouldn't suggest this, but if you do need to delay their visit, I suggest you take extreme measures."

Well, this just kept getting more and more interesting. Hogan shifted his weight slightly as he reassessed things.

"You're suggesting that we _kill_ two very highly ranked German officers?" he finally asked skeptically. Clearly this man had some authority, but if Hogan had his doubts, he could run everything by London later.

"You needn't kill them- but a severe enough injury might delay them a day or two. It's hard to stop them, even if they're injured. It wouldn't surprise me if they showed up to camp in casts and bandages."

"You seem to know a lot about them," Hogan said suspiciously.

"I do," Williams replied immediately, but he paused slightly to explain, "I've met them before. They're strong willed, resourceful, and above all _resilient_. If your orders are to delay their visit, I sincerely wish you luck."

Hogan mulled this over for a bit. These two Germans were getting more and more interesting by the minute.

"Newkirk," Hogan finally said, "I want you and Lebeau to go out and set some charges around the brothers' car at the Hofbrau. Set it off right before they get in," Hogan said like it pained him to say it. Directly attacking two high ranked officers was a risky move. But if Williams was right, it could be the only way, and Hogan wasn't about to let whatever information he had slip into the hands of the Germans.

"Lebeau, show Williams how to get back to the barracks. I'm going to call London."

The prisoners went on to their tasks and Hogan made his way down to the radio room with Kinch. They sent out, "Red Eagle suggests direct action on Hansel and Gretel. Do we follow through?"

The message they got in return was, "Red Eagle has the highest authority. Do whatever he asks you to."


	7. Chapter 7

**((Sorry for the long wait. It's been so long since I worked on this that I had actually forgotten my plan for HOW IN THE HAY they were going to pull this off. I still don't remember my original plan for this story, but I have a new plan, so it'll have to do. [Much of Hogan's frustration here is reminiscent of my own frustrations trying to figure this the heck out].))**

**Friday Morning**

Hogan pressed his lips against his fingers in deep thought. The Germans were expected to arrive in a matter of three hours- Carter and Newkirk had already been sent out to delay them via injury (against Colonel Hogan's better judgement). "Blue Eagle" was anticipated to arrive this afternoon. They had to keep the Germans away until they collected Blue Eagle and followed through with whatever orders Blue Eagle (hopefully) had.

Hogan rubbed his temples, trying to ease his slowly rising nerves. He didn't like having the situation out of his control. He didn't like it at all.

**x Stalag 13 x**

Hogan was tapping his chin absent-mindedly when he heard two knocks on the bed frame and Carter and Newkirk climbed back into the barracks.

"Well?" Hogan asked impatiently- his nervousness easy to read across his body.

"Well, we set the charges like you asked, colonel," Newkirk started sheepishly and Hogan had to keep himself from snapping at them, 'Skip the chatter and tell me what's gone wrong already!". He knew it was just his nerves, so he waited for the two to continue.

"They went off great!" Carter piped in enthusiastically, then added, a bit more sullen, "real great… actually…"

"See, the charges went off alright, just," Newkirk paused, "The krauts weren't moving after, if you see what I mean here," Newkirk trailed off.

Hogan sat up a little in shock, a thousand thoughts crossing his mind at once- the most prevalent being,

'_Have we just killed two of the highest-ranking officers in Germany?'_

The answer, of course, was obvious. _Yes_, yes they had.

Hogan sat back a little, bringing his entwined fingers to his lips again in thought as he tried to calm himself. This could be bad for them- it would more than likely be the end of them if he didn't find a way to cover it up somehow. But Hogan couldn't come up with a plan- he could barely think at all. The only rational thought that crossed his mind was, '_Well, dead does equate to delayed, I suppose…'_

**x Stalag 13 x**

Everyone knew that Hogan was stressed when he didn't reply with some ingenious plan or even a witty comment. Everyone figured he was at his wits end as he sat in silence, seemingly mulling things over. But those who knew him best knew that there weren't any thoughts behind his expressionless face. They knew that- just like them- he was envisioning the end of the Unsung Heroes.

**x Stalag 13 x**

"Colonel Hogan," Schultz said, walking into the barracks. Hogan didn't even look up. "Colonel Hogan, Kl-"

LeBeau and Carter ran up the the Sergeant, shushing him before he could continue.

"Not now, Schultzy," LeBeau hushed.

"Yeah, the colonel isn't really in the greatest of moods right now," Carter added helpfully.

"Why, what's the matter? Is he sick?" Schultz asked, sounding equally concerned and curious. "But the kommandant asked to see him. I have to-"

"Another time, Schultzy," LeBeau said, pushing Schultz around and nearly forcing him out the door.

The barracks door closed softly behind him, and Carter and LeBeau turned around to glance at Hogan, who hadn't even turned towards the door.

They spared each other a glance and wondered if Hogan had even registered that Schultz had come in.

For the next half hour of the afternoon, everyone in the barracks took their turn trying to cheer up the colonel. Newkirk demonstrated rare card tricks, LeBeau managed to make him some soothing herbal tea, Carter prattled on about who knows what, and even Kinch gave him a reassuring pat on the back.

The colonel responded when spoken to, and took some interest in his men's attempts to improve his mood, but everyone could see that dead look behind the colonel's eyes. It was unsettling, to say the least.

Half an hour later, Schultz returned, looking rather pale. He glanced first at Hogan- who still hadn't moved from his chair- and then to LeBeau, to whom he spoke.

"Klink _demands_ to see colonel Hogan at once," Schultz explained quickly, "_Please_, LeBeau, I need to take him to see kommandant Klink. You see, there were these two German generals-"

Hogan suddenly stood up from his chair, causing a scraping sound against the floor which drew everyone's attention. Hogan seemed to collect himself for a moment before turning around and facing Schultz.

"I'll go see the kommandant," he said without any of his usual luster. He padded past Schultz and out the door in the direction of the kommandant's office.

Schultz and the others just stared after him in wonder.

Hilda could tell something was wrong as soon as Hogan entered. She stood up from her chair in surprise.

"Hogan? What's the matter? You look-"

"Hilda?" Klink interrupted from inside his closed office, "If that's colonel Hogan, send him in immediately. I need to speak with him."

Hogan brushed past Hilda, sparing her a half-hearted kiss before he entered the kommandant's office.

As soon as the door opened, Klink began his rant, not looking up at the colonel just yet.

"Oh, Hogan, it's awful! Hogan, you'll never guess-" Klink looked up and even he noticed the dead look in the colonel's eyes. "Oh, Hogan, you look absolutely terrible! You must be sick," he commented.

"That's what everyone keeps telling me," Hogan agreed with some resilience.

"Oh, but Hogan, you simply won't believe it. It's terrible!"

Hogan kept his gaze on the ground, dreading the inevitable news. It would be a while before the Gestapo would pinpoint Hogan and his men- but the investigation would be thorough. He didn't do anything to cover it up- nothing had come to mind, and even now he had no ideas on how to retroactively destroy any evidence. It was the beginning of the end- he knew it.

"-and I still can't believe it! Even though they called just this morning! Oh, can you believe it Hogan?"

"Sorry, sir?" Hogan asked, too lost in his thoughts to catch anything the kommandant had said.

"Oh, can't you listen, Hogan? Those two officers that were supposed to visit today have been attacked! They had to postpone their visit! I've been told their injuries are quite severe."

"Injuries… sir?" Hogan asked, dumbfounded.

"Yes! A bomb went off at the Hofbrau! Can you believe it? A bomb! Who would have the audacity to try and assassinate two German generals?!"

"You mean to say," Hogan paused for a moment, still in disbelief, "That the generals are still… alive?"

"Oh, yes, indeed. But only just. I've heard that they're being kept in a hospital a few miles away. Oh, it'll be in the newspaper tomorrow- and I still can't believe it. Who would do such a thing, Hogan, you must tell me."

Hogan blinked a few times, trying to regain his luster. "Don't ask me, sir. I don't have a clue who would dare attempt such a thing."

"_Dare_! Who would _dare_, indeed, Hogan!" Klink said, offering Hogan a cigar as a sign of good will. Hogan took it and smoked it all the way back to the barracks, extinguishing it just outside.

He stepped into- what appeared to be, at least- a _party. _Newkirk clapped him on the back, pulling the string on a party popper* they had been saving for the end of the war and releasing confetti in the air. He heard Carter 'woo!' and Kinch gave a solid chuckle and a loud clap. LeBeau turned away from whatever he was cooking to face the colonel.

"Hey!" LeBeau shouted in his general direction, "Isn't it great? The generals aren't dead!"

"Yeah, colonel," Carter added, stuffing what appeared to be cake batter into his mouth, "So I guess we're not doomed after all, huh?"

Hogan took a minute to collect himself again. Schultz couldn't hold back on some good gossip, it would seem.

"All right, all right, knock it off," Hogan said, and everyone was relieved to hear the commanding fire returned to the colonel's voice. "We've still got a lot to do. For _starters_, someone has to come with me to pick up this 'Blue Eagle' of ours."

Everyone groaned as their celebration was put on hold, but they were glad to have their colonel back.

***There is pretty much zero information on when party poppers were invented, so let's just pretend that they were around. And if you don't buy that, we can just say Carter invented them XD. PS. If you know when party poppers were invented, let me know, because now I'm curious.**


End file.
